Holmgren's Mistake by the Lake

Everyone agrees to the Browns had to dump Derek Anderson and Brady Quinn, but Mike Holmgren should be given a drug test for his choice of replacements.  Jake Delhomme and Seneca Wallace are as bad, if not worse than what they already had in Cleveland.

Delhomme is washed up, he was on a pretty talented team in Carolina and failed with only 8 touchdowns and 18 interceptions. The clock has struck midnight, he's washed up.

The Browns new boss can talk all he wants about Delhomme's leadership ability, but that doesn't work when you're stinking it up on the field.

They often said in Seattle, Holmgren was a much better coach than he ever was an executive. He's already making the critics look good in Ohio.

- Not to be outdone, the 49ers think David Carr is will turn things around in San Francisco. They now have two No. 1 overall picks on their roster who can't play.

- Keep hearing Barry Bonds would love a job in baseball. What could he possibly do with such a bad attitude?

- Position players RF Jermaine Dye, 3B Joe Crede, LF Gary Sheffield and 1B Dimitri Young haven't found work yet.

- Pitchers Pedro Martinez, John Smoltz, Jarrod Washburn, Paul Byrd, Braden Looper, Mike Hampton,  Joe Beimel David Weathers, Russ Springer never found jobs this spring.

- Love watching college basketball "experts" pick all chalk on NCAA brackets. Do you really need an expert to pick 3 or 4 No. 1 seeds to advance to the Final Four?

- Last weekend I made a joke about Mike Tyson being on the reality show "Pawn Stars." Had no idea Tyson was really going to be in a reality show on "Animal Planet"

- When I lose my keys, I spend hours looking for them. When Bill Belichick can't find his keys, three police quad cars show up to help him find them. The power of the NFL, and it wasn't even in Boston.

Baseball broadcasters have mastered the obvious

Are you like me? I've Already had enough of those annoying spring training cliches. I'm trying to get ready for the 2010 MLB season. Been watching as much hardball as possible, yet its getting tougher and tougher to watch without going nuts with all this "baseball language." When you actually pay attention to what the players, coaches and broadcasters say, it will also drive you crazy!

While watching the NCAA tournament coverage over the weekend I learned that every team is "well coached," and "plays hard." I'm looking for a team that is poorly coached and doesn't play hard. Those will be my guys!

Next time you listen to a baseball game, listen to have often these annoying cliches are used.

5 annoying spring training cliches:

• Tools: "this young man has the tools to be an all-star." What happened to just saying a guy has talent? I've never heard a construction worker say, damn that man has the biggest tools on the work site.

• Mechanics: "He's got the talent to pitch in the big leagues, if only he can master his mechanics." Having watched thousands of pitchers over the years, I've yet to see any mechanical parts. Why not just point out he doesn't know the fundamentals of pitching.

• He's a player: "This guy gets the game, he's a real player." Last I checked, all the guys in Major League Baseball spring training camps are able to play.

• High baseball IQ: "This young man is a student of the game, he's got a high baseball IQ." Does this mean all the other players are dopes?

• Avoiding injuries: "If we stay healthy, I like our chances to contend and make the playoffs." Never in the long storied history of baseball, has a team gone an entire season without an injury. Its the human condition, guys get hurt. So anyone who says this, is a complete idiot.

Footballs biggest spender hibernating

Is Dan Snyder part of the witness protection program?  Someone needs to let the Redskins owner know that they DON'T have a salary cap anymore in the NFL.

Mike Shanahan has proven he's a very average coach without John Elway. With Elway, Shanahan is 7-1 in postseason games. Without him he’s 1-4.

So why hasn't Snyder gone out and gotten some players for the Skins? Steelers free agent RB Willie Parker doesn't count... Something is not right!

Its not just in Washington, seems like more teams are pinching pennies than spending them in this uncapped NFL offseason.

- Tim Tebow will be drafted more on his level of fame, than his level of NFL potential. Unless teams can find a way for the spread offense to work in pro game, Tebow will never make it. Desperate teams like the Panthers, Bills and Jaguars are most interested in him, as a sideshow.

- Julius Peppers won't help Bears QB Jay Cutler avoid those terrible passes he's become famous for over the last few years. I'll give the Bears front office some credit, at least they are trying to get better.

-- Brett Favre should finally retire, the Vikings need to try again developing a quarterback who can win.

- If 40-yard times were so important to NFL success, why don't teams test players during training camp? The last time a football player is timed in the 40, is BEFORE he plays in the league. Its all for show.

- Colt McCoy would join a short list of players who have the same name of the team they play for, if the Colts drafted him.

- Seven Major League Baseball players have had the last name Brewer, none of them have played for the Milwaukee Brewers,

- Russell Martin could miss the start of the Dodgers season, the way he played in 2009, the team won't miss him much. A.J. Ellis, who nobody has ever heard of, can't hit a lick, but he's pretty good defensively....

- The Dodgers will always have better pitching than most teams, thanks to playing 81 games at Dodger Stadium...

-  Playing at Fenway Park should provide the Red Sox with better than average offensive numbers. This theory will be tested by Mike Cameron (human fan) and Adrian Beltre (Ice man in April/May) in 2010...

- Expect the Red Sox to give up the farm for Padres 1B Adrian Gonzalez if things get ugly early in Boston...

- Jonathan Broxton should never have to pay for a meal in Philadelphia. The Dodgers closer served up meat balls for two of the nine best moments in Phillies history, according to the MLB Network.  Broxton's choke jobs against Matt Stairs in the 2008 NLCS and Jimmy Rollins in the 2009 NLCS...

- Was talking to a caller on my radio show about the female porn star who got prime tickets to a Kansas Jayhawks game. Seconds later a famous male porn star called into the show to talk about the story. Gotta love Los Angeles sports radio listeners...

- From what I'm hearing, the Academy Awards would have been better off leaving those Tiger Woods jokes in the script..

- Its annoying when TV news anchors thank the meteorologist for nice weather. If these people could pull a few strings to create good weather, they wouldn't be giving the forecast on TV...

"NFL Idol" fails to produce stars

Hate to break the news to you, but NFL Scouting Combine stars rarely turn into NFL stars. Much like FOX's American Idol, its fun to watch, but don't expect much substance to come out of it. It seems many fans expect the fastest and strongest from this dog and pony show to dominate on Sundays. Reality is something totally different.

Here are a few of my favorite "Workout Warriors" over the years who flopped on the big stage.

- Rondel Melendez a WR out of Eastern Kentucky who in 1999 ran the 40-yard dash in just  4.24 seconds. Melendez was drafted in the seventh round (247th overall) and didn't catch a pass or play in an NFL game.

- Jerome Mathis a WR out of Hampton ran a 4.28, 40-yard dash in 2005. Mathis had six catches for 80 yards and 1 touchdown in his NFL career that lasted 15 games.

- Justin Ernest a DT from Eastern Kentucky was able to bench 225-pounds 51 times in 1999.

- Leif Larsen a DT from UTEP bench pressed 225-pounds 45 times in 2000. He didn't up drafted and played 16 games in his career with 24 tackles and 3 sacks for the Bills.

So who's to blame for this sideshow? The most popular choice is Wesley Walker.

Walker was one of the Jets all-time great receivers. He played from 1977-to-1989, but because of a medical condition, the NFL created this silly Scouting Combine.

Wesley grew up in Southern California, an All-American at the University of California.  The Jets drafted Walker high in the second round of the 1977 NFL draft (Pick 33). Only one problem, Walker was also legally blind in one eye.

Legend has it that the Jets owner at the time Leon Hess was so upset his team selected a blind guy, he demanded changes in the draft process and thus the combine was born.

Its not needed anymore. The real reason the NFL keeps it around, is to justify the millions of dollars they spend each year on college scouting.

We have seen more busts than stars come out of the scouting combine over the years.

For every Chris Johnson and Vernon Davis, we get a Vernon Gholston and Mike Mamula.

Many of these workout warriors are drafted far higher than their level of play in college would suggest. Wes Welker (Patriots), Osi Umenyiora (Giants) and Pierre Garcon (Colts) weren't even invited to the combine.

The NFL issued 628 media credentials for the event in Indy. I thought the economy was in trouble, how can all these media companies afford to send staff to cover guys getting weighed and running in a empty stadium.

LeBron's free agency wild card?

LeBron James owner of the Los Angeles Clippers? If he plays his free agent cards right that could happen. I've heard that LeBron might end up with an offer to eventually own part of the Clips franchise.

Clippers GM Mike Dunleavy has said that the team will be a big player in free agency with LeBron James being the big catch. I've have talked with some NBA types who feel the Clips do really have a "Hail Mary" chance.

Now before you finish laughing, so called experts expect LeBron to stay in Cleveland or play for the Knicks. The Clippers best chance to seduce LeBron is ownership of the franchise. 

Donald Sterling is in his 29th season as owner of the Clippers, the team has made the playoffs a pathetic four times under his leadership. The Paper Clips have also appeared a stunning 20 times in the draft lottery under his watch.

If only they had parades for ping pong balls.

Sterling is 76 years old according to his bio on Wikipedia. If he can come up with a deal to get LeBron, all those lottery appearances would be forgiven.

Would Sterling offer LeBron James a chance to buy 10% of the Clippers, similar to a deal Magic Johnson made with Lakers owner Jerry Buss during his career,

I'm still not convinced the Clippers have any legit chance to get LeBron, he might just use the team to scare the Knicks and Cavaliers, but actually signing with Clips? No Chance!

NBA teams playing salary cap shell game

Wilt Chamberlain has a better chance starting for the Clippers in 2010, than LeBron James does of ever wearing a Clips uniform. I've been debating with some of my LA internet scribe friends who seem to think LeBron will play Mother Teresa and sign with the Paper Clips for charity.

I asked one when he started to write fiction about basketball, its so silly to think LeBron would pick the Clips over the Knicks or Cavs.

The Chicago Bulls, Washington Wizards, New York Knicks, New Jersey Nets and Sacramento Kings made a series of salary cap dumping moves at the trade deadline to join the Clippers as teams that cleared enough cap money to make maximum offers to top-level free agents.

While the Bulls and Knicks have a legit shot at LeBron or Dwyane Wade. Other teams are smoking crack if they think they have a legit chance to land a top tier free agent.

The Clippers are trying to make people believe they've got a shot at James. They're really just using the NBA's version of a shell game.

Its kind of like baseball teams that a garbage and continue to say the prospects are coming up in the minors so keep buying those tickets. The Pirates and Nationals are playing this shell game with fans right now in baseball.

The bottom line, LeBron should stay in Cleveland, D-Wade should go to the Bulls and the Clippers should try being honest.

-- Nate Robinson will be a good spark plug for the Celtics. Robinson figures to be a huge bottle of five hour energy off the Boston bench...

-- Tracy McGrady should star in a brief run with the Knicks, will it be enough for him to sucker a free agent deal from another desperate team...

-- If you look at recent NBA free agency, only the Lakers (Shaq) and Magic (Rashard Lewis) have actually succeeded when spending big money in free agency. Orlando hasn't won a title, but did win the Eastern Conference championship...

-- Marijuana convention this weekend at the LA Convention Center, a few feet from Staples Center. It figures to be tough for NBA players in LA to focus...

-- Dodgers signing of Eric Gagne's 83 MPH fastball will be a great addition to the fantasy stats of Rockies, Padres, Diamondbacks and Giants...

-- I'm not sold on the Red Sox lineup in 2010. Mike Cameron and Adrian Beltre will be Fenway flops. Big Papi is on his last legs. What in Cape Cod's sake is Theo Epstein thinking?

-- It will be shocking if the Redskins and Cowboys don't spend big money during the upcoming uncapped year...  Get ready for Moneyball NFL style...

Tiger Woods Puppet Show

Its good to see "sex rehab" hasn't changed Tiger Woods, he's still the same old ego maniac he's always been. Golf media are falling in lockstep for this prima donna. What's the point of Tiger reading from a prepared statement Friday morning? Other than to waste everyones time.

Tiger's PR hacks are selecting "special media" to be part of this circus. These guys are truly his hand picked puppets. Why show up if you can't ask a question? They won't have any credibility left with golf fans.

Smart money says Woods will let some tears flow, talk about how much he messed up his personal life and how its really nobodies business.

Then he'll take a page from Mark McGwire and say in some form he wants to focus on golf, get his privacy back and won't talk about this cheating issue again publicly.

Tiger is holding the news conference on a Friday morning hoping to bury the story in the weak Saturday news cycle. What a sham!

List of questions I'd ask Tiger Woods:

Where has Tiger been hiding?
How did Woods stay out of the public for all these months?
Who were his accomplices in hiding him?
Does Tiger even know how many mistresses he's had?
Did Woods start this activity when his dad was still around?
If Tiger's wife had slept with 20 men, would he take her back?
Why did Woods get married?
How much money will Tiger lose because of all this?
Who was Woods favorite mistress?
Which mistress did Tiger regret the most?
How much of the blame for this does Tiger give Charles Barkley and Michael Jordan?
Why should people trust Tiger as a pitchman?
Has Woods ever used HGH?

Tiger Woods prepared statement gambling odds:

Tiger Woods crying odds from statement

Will Tiger Woods wipe a tear from his face during his statement on February 19th?


Yes +200


No -260 -- Bodog

Tiger Woods "sorry" odds

How many times will Tiger Woods say the word “sorry” during his statement on Friday February 19th?


Over/Under 5.5 -- Bodog

Tiger Woods Gambling Odds

Which word will Tiger use most during his statement?

Which word will Tiger Woods use the most during his statement on Friday February 19th (from these 3)?


Sorry 5/4


Family 3/2


Apologize 5/2 -- Bodog

Odds Tiger Woods wife will be at press conference

Will Tiger Woods wife Elin be present at the press conference on Friday February 19th?


Yes -150


No +120 -- Bodog

Odds on the first “cliché” that Tiger Woods will use:
“I regret the hurt I’ve caused” 4 to 1
“I’m sorry” 5 to 1
“I thank my Family” 5 to 1
“Time to reflect” 6 to 1
Thank “God” 12 to 1
“Thanks to my sponsors who have stuck by me” 15 to 1
“We all need to move on” 25 to 1
“I love Elin very much” 30 to 1
“Sex addiction” 70 to 1
“Ok, I admit it looks bad, but . . . “ 100 to 1 -- Pregame.com (R.J. Bell)

Story of Magical Shoes

Orlando Magic forward Brandon Bass is a man of his word, I have the shoes to prove it.

While waiting in the visiting locker room at Staples Center on December 8, 2009, to hear what Dwight Howard had to say, Bass, in the locker next to Howard, started up a conversation about my shoes. He was ribbing me about wearing shoes he felt were too big (Size 17) and the type of socks (church style) I was wearing.

Eventually Howard showed up and for some reason the conversation about my feet continued with other Magic players joining in.

I started to throw some trash talk back at Bass and his shoes, telling him when he's done with the NBA he can work at Foot Locker.

While pointing out I'm a man of the people who walks the mean streets of Los Angeles to get to games, Bass, out of the blue, said he'd give me his shoes after they played the Clippers.

After going into the Magic locker room following the 97-86 win against the Paper Clips, Bass had taken too long to get out of the shower and the equipment truck was packed and on to the next city.

Orlando returned to Los Angeles to play the Lakers on January 18, Bass remembered me and said he'd get me the shoes he said he owed me after the game. Yet again he was no where to be found while the equipment truck was loaded and sent on to its next city.

Bass felt bad when he finally arrived at his locker. He told me to give my address to the Magic equipment guy and he'd make sure the shoes were sent.

I was pretty sure he was blowing smoke, but sure enough last Friday a package arrived from the Orlando Magic with a pair of black Nike game shoes from Bass. He's the real deal. Now I need Stan Van Gundy to give him some playing time or have him traded to a team that will use his skills.

CLICK HERE to see photo of shoes: http://bit.ly/bf8oIz

Still haven't decided if I'm going to wear the shoes or leave them as is.

Pigeons will do what baseball fans have dreamed

Bud Selig, a man who had his eyes closed during the greatest cheating scandal in baseball history, is getting a statue outside the Milwaukee Brewers ballpark. Its pretty comical to me, first of all an owner/commissioner should never get a statue, neither should someone who is very much alive.

Will the Selig statue have its eyes closed and back turned away from the crowd?

We used to give statues in this country to war heroes, now we give them to used car salesman who helped push steroids.

Selig stole a Major League Baseball franchise from Seattle (The Pilots), welcomed in the performance enhancing drug era and was an absolutely terrible owner of the Brewers.

From 1970 to 2005 Selig was in charge of the Brewers, they made the playoffs twice in those 35 years. Mark Attanasio purchased the team in '05 and the Brewers have already made the playoffs once under his brilliant leadership.

Pigeons is Milwaukee will get to do something MLB fans have been dreaming of doing for years, unload on the Selig statue.

Since the Brewers are honoring clueless Bud with a statue, I'm sure that Victor Conte will get one outside the Giants ballpark.

Saints player drops F-Bomb' on radio

New Orleans guard Carl Nicks was asked, seconds after Super Bowl 44, his reaction to the Saints win. Nicks didn't miss a beat saying into a LIVE radio microphone: "I'm going to Mother F$*@!&# Disneyland."

The interview, with the 6'5 343 lb lineman, was broadcast on the New Orleans Saints flagship radio station WWL, according to a source who enjoys AM radio.

Smart money says the boys over at Disney won't be using this sound bite in a commercial for the Happiest Place on Earth!